I'd like to welcome a new contributor to the blog: Mike Kuebler from Indianapolis, IN. Mike is going to contribute weekly, his thoughts on life, marriage, fatherhood, religion, politics, sports, and Bob Knight. His weekly segment entitled, "Perpetrating your thoughts" will truly enrich your daily internal discussions with yourself or at least make you wonder why Kari is married to such a moron. And now it's time to perpetrate your thoughts:
Tooth picks. Kari hates the fact that I chew on tooth picks after a meal. And it made me wonder...why is it that you so often see men chewing on tooth picks, but not women? Hmm. I think it goes back to our ancestry. Throughout most of human history, it was the man that went out to hunt and bring back meat to share with the family. I'm sure that on occasion, the man would go out hunting along with his homies and kill a deer or something and decide to cook that thing up, drink some brews (or fermented berry water), and just chill...perhaps coming up with farfetched ideas like the concept of the wheel. Of course, knowing that he stayed out too late with his buddies, he probably needed a way to hide what he was doing so that he wouldn't get in trouble coming home. So, he probably took a small bone from the deer and picked all the meat out of his mouth. No meat in the teeth equals no evidence and no trouble. Those small bones probably evolved into the modern day tooth pick. So, when I'm leaving a restaurant and pick up a tooth pick, Kari needs to realize that I can't fight off something that is just innate within me. And perhaps she should even thank me, perhaps it's because of small deer bones (old school tooth picks) that we have the wheel today.
6 years ago
9 comments:
I so agree with Kari AND, as it happens, etiquette manuals. Tooth-picking is not to be done in front of others. And what's more, toothpick chewing should not be done while driving--what if you were in an accident and got your face smashed in and the toothpick poked into your brain? BAD IDEA. (And especially, no toothpick chewing while coming near me or my children. You could poke an eye out!)
I agree with you son. Toothpicks are where its at. Not only do they clean between the teeth, but they also increase the legitimacy of anything that you say. All you need to do is hold the toothpick between your thumb and forefinger, pull it out of your mouth and speak. It immediately makes anything you say 34% more believable. Lesson of the day. Your welcome.
Being able to flip the toothpick in your mouth adds another 20% to the believability factor. Word, Jose, WORD.
Oh so much to say...
1. I want EVERYONE to know I did not give my blessing to Mike's new addition to the blog.
2. I think we can all agree if our husbands EVER choose to go out and kill a animal, cook it up, drink fermented berry water, and follow it up by pulling the animals bones out to clean their teeth, we will welcome the toothpick... but not until then!
I'm glad I'm not married...
Jose, you are thinking of the pipe, not a tooth pick. Pipes are the thing men pull out of their mouths to make them look wise. Shouldn't it be words that come out to make you look wise...oh well, just keep on with you pipes and picks.
Oh Carol...pipes actually increase your spoken word legitimacy by a whopping 87%. I know this because my 11th grade calculus prof was a pipe lover. He even taught me the Pipeorium Theorum. If you haven't heard of it, that's alright, it's a PR thing. Buyaka!
Jose and Carol,
It depends on what type of pipe your talking about. The "Sherlock Holmes" pipe versus the "puff, puff, give" pipe. I better stop right there.
YES!!!
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